The NOT so Home Sick Aussie Part 2

So im sure some of you remember my post about having my second miscarriage this year in september, it hit me hard but not as hard as my first one.. 

Well counting my days till my next period tracking and really trying to avoid falling pregnant again i realised the following month that i still hadnt had my period i was experiencing extreme heartburn, tender breasts and my emotions were all over the place... I sumed it up to the sheer fact that maybe i didnt take the last miscarriage as well as my first one seeing it happened at home... But to be safe i needed to rule out pregnancy again.... so i pulled one out of the draw and did what u do.... walked away praying it was negative... upon returning less then 2 minutes after doing the test... I noticed right away there were 2 bright pink lines.... What was my reaction you ask? I was angry.... i was sad... i was.... NOT happy.... Happy is what your spose to feel right when your biggest desire is to have another child... I couldnt believe i was going to put myself and family threw this all again...yep my biggest fear that i have lived to see come true twice this year already.. was hovering over my head... I washed my face and headed down stairs to what i thought in my head was goin to be breaking the news to my husband calmly... once i seen him i seen red... the words blurted out of my mouth before i even thought about it... YOU GOT ME F*@KING PREGNANT AGAIN...!?!?!  I realised straight away that was not how it was suppose to come out.. I dont know how or what happened but i regretted it as soon as the words came out of my mouth... how loving of me right? Yea i deserve the wife of year award for that.. And so once again we started the process of confirming it and figuring out exactly when we could have possibly have concieved this child seeing i hadnt had a period in months techincally.. So off to the clinic to find out that i wasnt even really 3-4 weeks pregnant which didnt put my mind at ease at all.... a few days after the clinic visit i started bleeding... nightmare number 3 please.... i knew what was happening it was exactly like the first 2 cramping..bleeding... the clinic told us if i started bleeding we needed to go to the ER to be checked out..so off we went... at 10:30 on a friday night... crying my eyes out the entire time... they got me into a room took a bunch of blood put a cathiter in to take clean urine from me if that wasnt bad enough...the nurse messed up taking my blood and it all had to be taken AGAIN.. FUN! Around 1:30am they informed me the doctor wanted an ultra sound done to see exactly what was goin on with the fetus... before i knew it the most unfriendliest ultrasound tech was pushing my bed off to do the ultrasound, upon arriving into the room she asked all the same questions i had already been asked and wanted me to explain exactly how many times id been pregnant this year and kind of scoffed at the fact that this was going to be my 3rd miscariage this year... she told me well im going to see if this pregnancy is in the tube seeing uve just "had" a miscarriage last month... (told u she was a REAL winner...) Upon inserting the thingamabob (yep i so should be a ultrasound tech!) she was suprised and said well its in ur uterus and in the same breath she said IT has a heartbeat and when she said it she was shocked i think even more shocked then i was i looked at the screen finally seeing i had my eyes shut sobbing when she started... i looked at the screen and seen a pulsing tiny heartbeat... i...i was gob smacked? I then started thinking wait....how could this be? I was doing the math for how far along you have to be to see a heartbeat and i was told i wasnt even 3-4 wks along... i know its possible to see a heartbeat at 6weeks... and while im running threw the dates in my head she turned the sound on and i heard its heartbeat i burst into tears and asked her if this was really happening?? Id not gotten this far with the last 2 pregnancies to see let alone hear a heartbeat... The tech actually melted a lil and was human like to me and said yes thats your baby and your almost 7weeks along! Holly cow? No that doesnt sum up how shocked/happy and afraid i was... She said she didnt know why i had started bleeding the sack and that all looked good no tares and no signs of anything we should be worried about... She printed out a picture for me and even put "babys first picture" on it. Now just think this entire time i was gone my husband was sittin in the room waiting...wondering...worrying what the out come was going to be and preparing to comfort me for the worst.. I handed him the picture he was just blank? Shocked? I told him i heard its heartbeat! He burst into tears he was so emotional and he had every right to be! He was so happy i wanted to be as happy as him but i was afraid.. scarred.. i knew deep down that i was still not in the clear.. given the all clear and put on bed rest for a couple wks restricting me from doing anything really we headed home with our babys first picture in tote. Couple days later we had an appointment at the clinic and they didnt want to do anything to stir things up so all tests and checking was put off... I was just put on more bed rest... great huh... specially seeing we suppose to be packing for the big move! The entire move was left up to my husband and he waited until the last wk to pack... STRESSFUL :) But it got done all while i was stuck in bed watching stuff get packed away... Needless to say not everything got packed...but thanks to our wonderful best friend Kevin we were able to leave alot of our stuff behind for later shipping. Keepng this from everyone bar close family easy seeing no one really seen me and when asked where i was hubby would just say home cooking or over at Angies. BUT we made it back to Australia safe and sound... it was most definately a LONG trip and exhausting on all of us, but i was worried the entire time about the baby. Once settled and we got all our government paper work done i was able to go see a doctor, she gave me my blood test paper work and a referal for an ultra sound. That date couldnt have come around soon enough! So packed into the ultra sound room nervous as all heck i was hoping and praying i was doing the right thing by having my mum and son with myself and husband for this that when she started the ultra sound that there was a heart beat still... the tech started off lookig at the placenta which was a little worryingsome seeing i had no idea what she was looking for and being that i didnt see a heartbeating right off the bat my stomach started knotting up, and then she moved over to look at the baby and bam there it was small and tiny moving about! I burst into tears straight away, it was like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders knowing that the baby was doing fine! And come to find out i was even further along... :)

So here i am :) 17 weeks and 1 day down and 22 weeks and 6 days to go! The day i hit my second trimester was one of the happiest days this year! :) I am showing, the baby is moving ALOT and my hips and back have been kiling me :) BUT its all worth it :) I have not had morning sickness (touch wood!) like i had with Lochlan where i couldnt keep anything down! Which is great cuz i was miserable threw that entire pregnancy, this time around its been opisite :) that combined with the fast heart beat everyone around me is praying that its a girl :) im happy with either so long as its healthy! Lochlan though wants a baby brother which is typical for a boy :) but he is super excited every week on my ipod we sit down and read whats going on with the baby and every few days he wants to be reminded how many more weeks till his a big brother! I have my appointment with the local midwives that deliver alot of the babies here on the central coast on the 12 of jan then i will have my second trimester ultrasound and yes we will be hopefully finding out what we are having :) and as soon as we know i will let you all know as well! I have wanted to share this good news for a while now but wanted to make sure things were all right before i let you all know :) And what else is exciting is that my best friend Angie is also pregnant as well :) she isnt 100% sure how far along she is as she hasnt had an appointment confirming her due date but going off her last period she is a couple weeks behind me :) would have been awesome to of gone threw our pregnancies together! But we are keeping in contact via mac chat and facebook.

This is bubs first picture :)

If you look at the second picture down on the left side you can see the skeletal face of bubs! Kinda creepy huh :) it turned and looked as she was taking pics lol "CHEESSSEEEE" 

Dealing with Stuff

Yup that pretty much sums up what i have been up to since my last post... So we found out we were pregnant again....i should be thrilled right?? Well sadly i am not... just after a week of finding out we were pregnant....my worst fear took place...i started spotting and that was it i knew everything i had been fearing was coming to life.. :( We lost our second angel baby last thursday... i placed it in a princess keepsake and we burried it under the rose of sharon bush in the backyard that over looks Lochlans play area... we placed flowers from the garden on it and had a moment of silence...and lots of tears :( No doctors for me this time around as we are with out health care...and seeing i am not a US Citizen i can not get healthy start like my son... so i went threw this miscarriage at home with no idea what to expect other then horror stories i had read online... I dont know what else to say other then... I really dont know what to do half of the time... i have been sick pretty much since a couple of days prior to loosing the baby... and i am still sick... im resting as much as i can BUT when you have nothing to do your mind can be painful... In the last week i have experienced every emotion i could possibly go threw and then some... Tonight i am well a little calmer i guess but still sadden at the thought ive lost another child :( laying in bed last night... or should i say thismorning as it was 3am i realised i would have been almost 25weeks had i not lost sweetpea... painful...so painful to think about that.. I have so many questions i want answered... but the answers wont come until i get back to australia and i find a good doctor down there... YES we are still in the states... And will still be here till probably end of october due to migration paper work and other junk that i dont feel like going into..... Anyway i have a few recipes to share with you all but not in this post... In the next couple of days i will throw them up.... I hope you are all well and enjoying what will soon be the end of summer for most of you all who read this blog.

Sweetpea Jacobs Online Memorial | GoneTooSoon.org

~Trying to move on~

To the baby that I carried, But never seen your face, Or tell you how much I loved you, Or ever to hear your cries. You will never be forgotten. The excitement we had for your coming. When I realized I'd never hold you, The feeling I had was numbing. My angel baby is who you are. My angel baby you'll always be. Your loving memory will live in my heart. So you will always be right here with me.

Sweet Pea is what we called our little darling when we found out we were pregnant.

So here i am making my return, i wanted to thank all of you who have emailed me and checked in on me. I decided i wanted a tattoo to remember my angel baby by something i would always have and could never loose. I went to my tattoo artist with a couple of ideas having NO idea exactly what i wanted... And this is what he came up with! I absolutely LOVE it! Its everything i wanted and then some, he did a fantastic job and i couldnt imagine having anything different.

I am still dealing with it in my own way, i have good days and bad days but i am taking each day as they come.

A Recipe and Exciting News!

Lets kick this post off with a promised recipe!

Simple Easy Tasty Pancake Batter!

YOU wont be disappointed!

2 cups of milk (i used the milk left from making my own butter!)

1/4 cup of sugar ( i used raw sugar)

2 eggs

3 Tsp of honey

1 tsp of oil

1Tsp of vanilla

2 and 1/3 cups of flour (i used hlf wheat hlf white)

1 1/1 Tsp of baking powder

Nothing to it toss the wet ingredients into a blender then add your dry ingredients! Turn it on for a few mins making sure everything mixes up nicely! Depending on your choice of batter (thick or runny!) whether or not you add a little more flour or a little more milk! We like our batter to be a little runny as i find this recipe does puff a little! Use a large spoon and drop desired amount on to your griddle or frying pan! I let the batter sit a min or so then add a few choc chips to mine for my guys!

Give it a go you can add all kids of goodies to your pancakes which im sure you all do! This recipe does not disappoint there is no weird baking powder after taste like some recipes give you! Plain or jazzed up! I keep the batter in my blend and keep it in the fridge for a few days and its still tasty when i get it out and cook it up!

Now onto the exciting news!

So May 7th i turned 30........OH BOY! I had NOT been looking forward to this at all... Now leading up to my birthday we were extremely busy, April was Lochlan's Birthday... Then his big bash! Then it was my mother in laws birthday! Needless to say we have done a lot of celebrating in this time...After Lochlans party i was exhausted! Didn't matter what i did i couldn't get enough rest... We figured it was just all the celebrating! With 30 creeping up around the corner..... and the lack of a visit from mother nature....we decided to do a pregnancy test....expecting the usual....when im having "issues" it usually all starts with missed periods...In the last 6 years we have done plenty of pregnancy tests...all showing negative...and this is exactly what i expected this time...those of you who know me and my adventures in fertility issues know a couple years ago we were told from some of the biologic medicines i had taken for my Psoriasis had made me infertile....so missing a period or being "late" really didn't excite me at all.... so i sat by our window in the bedroom over looking the box like usual making sure they hadn't changed the signs or anything lol...grabbed the stick and went off about my business...told hubby "ok 3 mins tell me when its up" not sure exactly what i was doing....and then his like "ok its 3 mins babe" got up when to the bathroom picked it up glanced and about had a heart attack my throat felt like it was swelling up......my heart sped up.....i felt faint...i screamed a lil.... hubby was like whats wrong??? whats wrong??? my response "uh...um..i THINK im pregnant?!?!?!"......he was gob smacked...i ran in and grabbed the box and double checked...triple checked....gave him the box and the test and told him am i????? AM I??? Sure enough the pink line was there..... called my mum even tho it was 6am there in australia....and told her! Next i called my best friend Angie! We didn't tell EVERYONE till we had it confirmed seeing there was doubt in our minds that it was "REAL" but what a birthday present huh???

This is my "first" pregnancy photo lol 6 wks!

So onto my birthday celebrations! I was spoiled rotten! We celebrated the nite before at my fav restaurant "Carrabba's" with friends and family. And then friday morning we got up got Loche ready for school dropped him off and hubby took me to michigan! We went up and had a tour of the Mac store! That store is simply amazing! I was told we were going up there to get a cover for my birthday gift i had been given earlier! I Ipod Touch! So i picked out a hot pink cover! And was totally surprised when we left with a matching MacBook! *GASP*

After the Mac store we wondered around the mall and he bought me a bottle of Dolce&Gabbana perfume "The One"

Here is my other present he got me as well!

Hubby and i before we hit the Mac Store!

Yup this is meee! Lol this was taken before we headed to Carrabba's!

Hubby and I!

My fav 3 men in my life!

This was taken at Red Lobster after we returned from Michigan! After dinner we met Kev at the movies and watched Iron Man 2! What a birthday!

These are my beautiful mothers day flowers my hubby got me!

So yes these are some of the reasons i have been MIA :) that and we are still preparing to move back to australia! It has been something else i tell you we have some life changing things headed our way and we are trying our best to spend as much time as possible with friends and family while we are still here in the States!

~Praying For Good News~

Well the last couple of weeks have been rough on me mentally and physically but ive not really said anything about it in bloggy land....A couple of weeks ago i started having some extremely bad pains near/over my right ovary...so painful i've pretty much spent the last couple weeks doing not much house work wise or going back to work with my mother in law since our break after new years...And i can tolerate a good amount of pain....(tho if you had of seen me getting my first pair of tattoos a couple weeks ago you would not believe me BUT thats a different post to come....) BUT anyway i finally decided it was enough and that i shouldnt let the pain continue for the sheer fact that i only have ONE ovary....and we really do want one more child atleast....and have done for a very LONG time now to be honest but ive had fertility issues......So friday i seen my OBGYN and she had blood drawn..now im playing the waiting game until wed when i will be having an ultra sound to see what kind of state my ovary is in...she is hoping i dont have a Tubal Pregnancy i decided last nite that i was NOT going to look this up and understand what exactly the whole thing meant...i half new what it was but considering ive been living off of 2 hours of sleep a nite due to pain and worry....it would be best to leave it be and not know fully what i was looking at IF the results came back and this was what my situation was..So as you can see i did NOT follow threw with that... Anyway so this is the reason why i am hoping and praying for good news.... Sorry to be a downer i do have some foodie posts to put up but i needed to get this off my chest...and i could use the extra prayers!