So im sure some of you remember my post about having my second miscarriage this year in september, it hit me hard but not as hard as my first one..
Well counting my days till my next period tracking and really trying to avoid falling pregnant again i realised the following month that i still hadnt had my period i was experiencing extreme heartburn, tender breasts and my emotions were all over the place... I sumed it up to the sheer fact that maybe i didnt take the last miscarriage as well as my first one seeing it happened at home... But to be safe i needed to rule out pregnancy again.... so i pulled one out of the draw and did what u do.... walked away praying it was negative... upon returning less then 2 minutes after doing the test... I noticed right away there were 2 bright pink lines.... What was my reaction you ask? I was angry.... i was sad... i was.... NOT happy.... Happy is what your spose to feel right when your biggest desire is to have another child... I couldnt believe i was going to put myself and family threw this all again...yep my biggest fear that i have lived to see come true twice this year already.. was hovering over my head... I washed my face and headed down stairs to what i thought in my head was goin to be breaking the news to my husband calmly... once i seen him i seen red... the words blurted out of my mouth before i even thought about it... YOU GOT ME F*@KING PREGNANT AGAIN...!?!?! I realised straight away that was not how it was suppose to come out.. I dont know how or what happened but i regretted it as soon as the words came out of my mouth... how loving of me right? Yea i deserve the wife of year award for that.. And so once again we started the process of confirming it and figuring out exactly when we could have possibly have concieved this child seeing i hadnt had a period in months techincally.. So off to the clinic to find out that i wasnt even really 3-4 weeks pregnant which didnt put my mind at ease at all.... a few days after the clinic visit i started bleeding... nightmare number 3 please.... i knew what was happening it was exactly like the first 2 cramping..bleeding... the clinic told us if i started bleeding we needed to go to the ER to be checked out..so off we went... at 10:30 on a friday night... crying my eyes out the entire time... they got me into a room took a bunch of blood put a cathiter in to take clean urine from me if that wasnt bad enough...the nurse messed up taking my blood and it all had to be taken AGAIN.. FUN! Around 1:30am they informed me the doctor wanted an ultra sound done to see exactly what was goin on with the fetus... before i knew it the most unfriendliest ultrasound tech was pushing my bed off to do the ultrasound, upon arriving into the room she asked all the same questions i had already been asked and wanted me to explain exactly how many times id been pregnant this year and kind of scoffed at the fact that this was going to be my 3rd miscariage this year... she told me well im going to see if this pregnancy is in the tube seeing uve just "had" a miscarriage last month... (told u she was a REAL winner...) Upon inserting the thingamabob (yep i so should be a ultrasound tech!) she was suprised and said well its in ur uterus and in the same breath she said IT has a heartbeat and when she said it she was shocked i think even more shocked then i was i looked at the screen finally seeing i had my eyes shut sobbing when she started... i looked at the screen and seen a pulsing tiny heartbeat... i...i was gob smacked? I then started thinking wait....how could this be? I was doing the math for how far along you have to be to see a heartbeat and i was told i wasnt even 3-4 wks along... i know its possible to see a heartbeat at 6weeks... and while im running threw the dates in my head she turned the sound on and i heard its heartbeat i burst into tears and asked her if this was really happening?? Id not gotten this far with the last 2 pregnancies to see let alone hear a heartbeat... The tech actually melted a lil and was human like to me and said yes thats your baby and your almost 7weeks along! Holly cow? No that doesnt sum up how shocked/happy and afraid i was... She said she didnt know why i had started bleeding the sack and that all looked good no tares and no signs of anything we should be worried about... She printed out a picture for me and even put "babys first picture" on it. Now just think this entire time i was gone my husband was sittin in the room waiting...wondering...worrying what the out come was going to be and preparing to comfort me for the worst.. I handed him the picture he was just blank? Shocked? I told him i heard its heartbeat! He burst into tears he was so emotional and he had every right to be! He was so happy i wanted to be as happy as him but i was afraid.. scarred.. i knew deep down that i was still not in the clear.. given the all clear and put on bed rest for a couple wks restricting me from doing anything really we headed home with our babys first picture in tote. Couple days later we had an appointment at the clinic and they didnt want to do anything to stir things up so all tests and checking was put off... I was just put on more bed rest... great huh... specially seeing we suppose to be packing for the big move! The entire move was left up to my husband and he waited until the last wk to pack... STRESSFUL :) But it got done all while i was stuck in bed watching stuff get packed away... Needless to say not everything got packed...but thanks to our wonderful best friend Kevin we were able to leave alot of our stuff behind for later shipping. Keepng this from everyone bar close family easy seeing no one really seen me and when asked where i was hubby would just say home cooking or over at Angies. BUT we made it back to Australia safe and sound... it was most definately a LONG trip and exhausting on all of us, but i was worried the entire time about the baby. Once settled and we got all our government paper work done i was able to go see a doctor, she gave me my blood test paper work and a referal for an ultra sound. That date couldnt have come around soon enough! So packed into the ultra sound room nervous as all heck i was hoping and praying i was doing the right thing by having my mum and son with myself and husband for this that when she started the ultra sound that there was a heart beat still... the tech started off lookig at the placenta which was a little worryingsome seeing i had no idea what she was looking for and being that i didnt see a heartbeating right off the bat my stomach started knotting up, and then she moved over to look at the baby and bam there it was small and tiny moving about! I burst into tears straight away, it was like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders knowing that the baby was doing fine! And come to find out i was even further along... :)
So here i am :) 17 weeks and 1 day down and 22 weeks and 6 days to go! The day i hit my second trimester was one of the happiest days this year! :) I am showing, the baby is moving ALOT and my hips and back have been kiling me :) BUT its all worth it :) I have not had morning sickness (touch wood!) like i had with Lochlan where i couldnt keep anything down! Which is great cuz i was miserable threw that entire pregnancy, this time around its been opisite :) that combined with the fast heart beat everyone around me is praying that its a girl :) im happy with either so long as its healthy! Lochlan though wants a baby brother which is typical for a boy :) but he is super excited every week on my ipod we sit down and read whats going on with the baby and every few days he wants to be reminded how many more weeks till his a big brother! I have my appointment with the local midwives that deliver alot of the babies here on the central coast on the 12 of jan then i will have my second trimester ultrasound and yes we will be hopefully finding out what we are having :) and as soon as we know i will let you all know as well! I have wanted to share this good news for a while now but wanted to make sure things were all right before i let you all know :) And what else is exciting is that my best friend Angie is also pregnant as well :) she isnt 100% sure how far along she is as she hasnt had an appointment confirming her due date but going off her last period she is a couple weeks behind me :) would have been awesome to of gone threw our pregnancies together! But we are keeping in contact via mac chat and facebook.
|This is bubs first picture :)|
|If you look at the second picture down on the left side you can see the skeletal face of bubs! Kinda creepy huh :) it turned and looked as she was taking pics lol "CHEESSSEEEE"|